Max and Allie

Max  and Allie

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Just Talk tonight

Hello friends! I got an award the other day and I forgot to tell you about it. Does that tell you anything ? The award was from Golden Samantha/ Thank you Sammie for this award! You are so kind! Rocky Creek gave me an award and I had to answer 10 questions, but I do not have to do anything for this award. Great!!!

The story that I feel I should tell is very sad but if I tell it, it will free me. You all said go ahead and tell so I will.

My Mother was a very unhappy person because she had been given away when she was 10 years old to her fathers brother. The uncle was married and had one daughter 12 years old.
The wife didn't like her and the daughter didn't like her but her uncle did. He could always use help in the fields. Mother felt like a slave. She carried that hurt all her life. She took that hurt out on me a lot of the time. I don't think she wanted me. Dad use to say that I was not planned.
I was an only child they did not want any more kids. I don't think they wanted me. My Mother never did much for me at all. She read all the time, but she never read to me. She never took me anyplace or taught me anything. She never helped me with my homework when I was in school. When I wrote a story she would make fun of me pointing out all my mistakes. They would laugh.
My Mother did not whip me she shook me very hard. She shook me until I was 13 and too big to be shaken. My Dad would hit me and I would rather take a whipping than that shake.
When I say she did not teach me anything I mean it. She never spent time with me at all.
The story gos on and on but that is enough for now.
Am I just belly eking?? I should get over it, well that is what I am trying to do by telling you all about it.

All of you friends are very important to me. Blogging helps me a lot and I like to write to you.
It helps my mind stay active. I don't watch much T. V. any more. Thank you!!
Good night sweet friends, Fern


  1. Mom knows about being shaked. When she was in 6th grade, her male teacher did that to her one day and it was a humiliating and horrible experience and one that she never forgot! You've had a terrible past but you have Tom now and all of your precious animals to love, Fern, and we are so happy about that.

    Love ya lots,
    Maggie and Mitch

  2. Dear Fern,

    We can't imagine what a horrific childhood you must have experienced - obviously your parents did not know how to treat a child, but somewhere along the way you learned to be a loving, caring person. We are so glad you have Tom and your sweet animals now. Try to live in the present and forget the past - we know it's easier said than done.

    Lilly, Piper, Carrleigh and Java

  3. It does help to share hurtful things from the past w/ an understanding listening person. Your mother did not receive "normal" affection and love from her parents and that hardnered her heart and she therefore wouldn't or couldn't show it to you. She was damagened emotionaly, it sounds like. And a lot of people dont' get over it, not unless they WANT to and try through lots of therpary and learn how to work thru things. Coming out of a childhood like that, see YOU, broke the mold by being a kind loving person. You will never forget, but when you forgive, it will mend YOU and bless you. Even then it will still hurt when you think about it. Thank you for sharing your story, that will help you too! May the Lord continue to bless you and peace be with you. Love, through Christ, Tammy

  4. Good morning Fern,
    I'm so very sorry about your lost childhood and the misery you endured. Somehow you managed to come out on the other side with your heart full of love that you freely share with all God's creatures. Take care of yourself you are worthy.
    Madi and Mom

  5. Fern, it is a credit to you that you can share your story with us and you love your children and animals so. I am so glad that you were able to break the cycle of abuse and become a better person. I am also glad you found Tom to love and love you, and you have your animals to love and receive love from. I hope it helps to share your stories and am glad to listen if it helps. Isn't it amazing the love and friendship that grows from these blogs.

    Heidi, Tucker and Daisy

  6. Dear Friend, I am so sorry that you had a horrible childhood. I try so hard to make my kids feel loved and sometimes you take that for granted that all parents do that, but then you are brought back to reality and sometimes it doesn't work that way. I am glad you can share this with your friends and I pray that you can start new happy memories in your adult life. May God Bless you.

  7. Sometimes it is good to talk about things because saying them in words makes them less scary and then you can see how different things are now. We don't always get the family we want or deserve, but we do get to choose how we want to live our lives.

    Mango Momma

  8. Dear Fern,
    Me again. You really had it bad. What you revealed on my blog, I won't mention it here.
    You are right about dogs. Dogs give unconditional love like God. I have found that out. Spell God backward and you have dog.

    Humans are different. I thank God for our dogs . He gave us dogs to show His unconditional love. Your dog was your "angel" to get you through the horrible situations and to substain you and give you hope. That is what has bought you here this far. That love made you a loving, kind person. People put us in bad situations, not God. But God provides ways for us to survive and something GOOD comes from something Bad, that was meant to hurt us.
    Bless you. God cared then, and God cares now. Hugs to you and your angel dog you had as a child and the ones you have now. Peace Be With You!

  9. You survived and you came out the other side as a caring and lving person.. Take comfort in that and try to put the past to rest.. Enjoy your loving husband and your loving animals too.. Hugs GJ xx

  10. Our khomment inkhludes all those preceding us!

    You are brave fur sharing!
    You are safe and khared fur now!

    Writing so helps - my mom and I know that khwite well!


  11. Fern
    I am sorry that things were rough for you, Your mom didnt know how to treat you, but YOU have broken the cycle. I know you forgive her and you never forget~~but try to really focus on the present and all the blessings that you have in your life now instead of looking back in time. You have a good husband and your animals.

    Be looking for all the good things that happen to you each day.

    Your friend

  12. Fern,

    It shows that you grew up lonely; I'm glad you have Tom. What I realized years ago is that all of our experiences, good and bad, make us who we are. The way we were raised affected me and my siblings very differently, even though we all suffered through the same things. It made me be very protective of the defenseless and weak. That's probably why I love animals so much. Same for you.

  13. We know what you went through and we're mad as hell that someone would do this to you.
    It's out there now. We all know. By letting it out, you've taken away it power. Totally dis-empowered it! It can't hurt you anymore.
    Trash what's left the pain and hurt. Go into the bathroom look into the mirror and say out loud "Those
    people were f@#king nuts". Flush the toilet and walk out .

  14. Fern,

    You are an angel on Earth. You are a survivor and your life gives joy to many.

    Thank you for sharing story.

  15. Dearest Fern, My heart grieves for how you were raised and yet like so many others I know that is why you have so much love to share, with your Tom and your four legged children.
    Much of my childhood resembles yours-it is so hard to understand why others love us when our own moms couldn't. However that is what the Lord used to make you and I who we are today. My mom was a slave to alcoholism and yours to cruel people raising her. Fern, the Lord so delights in you and loves you more than you can fathom-just because of who you are!!! I'm thankful you shared today and pray blessings on you and Tom.
    Big hugs to you today.

  16. Fern,

    Have been still thinking of you today. I can understand the motherless love part. I wasn't abused like you. My "birth" mother, as I call her, had never shown love toward me, I knew and felt it as a young child. I was reared by my grandparents. My father left my birth mom and me when I was a year old. My grandparents took us in. I was blessed w/ my grandparents who kept me after my birth mom re-married. She to this day has never shown a mother's love to me. I have two grown children of my own and have loved them with all my heart.That's why its hard for me to understand a mother who doesn't show love to her own child. But that mother who had me had two more daughters. My first half/sister had it hard. My birth/mom and her hubby didn't change until they had a baby with Down's Syndrom who is now in her 30's. She is the one that she was able to show a real mother's love to. She has been a real mother for her at last. My birth mom is now 70 years old. And being a real mom is wearing her down, because she will always have to tend to this daughter. The half sister is a precious person and I love her, but wasn't reared with her or treated or considered part of that family. I help tend to my mama and papa when they grew old and loved them as my parents. I was with them whey they passed away. I've already buried my parents, so to speak. I miss them and aways remember how blessed I was to have them. A lot of children these days don't have anyone to defend them, comfort or feed them. I have a heart for the defenseless also.
    I guess the point I'm getting to about my situation is that my birth mom could only love a special needs child. No matter how old we get we always remember who was good to us or who was not. My husband and I, are blessed with our son and daughter. They have both told us we broke the mold in our family and we have been good parents to them and they love us and appreciate us. What more could we ask for, here in our middle age life that was words we needed to hear before we die. At least we done something right in this lifetime. Things still get tuff in this journey, but we still count our blessings. I'm glad I've met you through blogging and may the loving comfort of God wrap your heart this Thanksgiving with His awesome love! tammy